I could care less if people talk shit to my face about my face, body, looks, choices or whatever, I can ignore that or come up with some witty shit, but as soon as you make this racial,

as soon as you bring my Samoan heritage into this,

I’m fucking you up.

I’m very prideful of my Samoan heritage and I have no problem at all defending it.

When I was a kid, I would surround myself with older role models to gain wisdom and just because I have so much respect for them.

The horrible thing about that is they’re getting old and dying off and honestly I can’t take it.

I can’t lose another loved one again.

What to read something?

I’m at this point in my life where I’m just simply exhausted looking for love. I’ve always been told to be patient and that it will come to me, but at the same time I’ve learned that if I don’t go after it, it’ll never happen.

So I did and I’ve came up short more times than I want to admit. Idk. As each day goes by I slowly accept that I’ll be alone. I mean, I’m surrounded by the best family and friends life has to offer, but I’ll never find love again and I’m slowly okay with that.

I don’t know if that’s my saddest or proudest epiphany yet.

My Psoriasis doesn’t help at all either. I used to compare myself with the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. The parallels of looking like a monster, the bitter and angry attitude towards everyone, and that I’m in a way waiting to be saved. A little corny comparing myself to a Disney movie, but isn’t that stories were made for? To reflect morals and fantasize of worlds and experiences your physical presence can’t reach?

I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about right now. I always seem to go on a random tangent when I speak passionately about anything. I guess that’s just verbal vomit.

I guess that’s just ranting. 

Had my first Light Treatment 04/16/13

For my psoriasis.

I’m pretty much just stripping naked and tanning lol
Since it was my first session, I was only exposed to the UVB light for 43sec and we’ll see how body reacts to it until my next session on Thursday.

My doctor says my psoriasis is linked to stress and nothing relieves my stress like some good Kush. Ima ask if medical marijuana would be an option.

Damn, haven’t smoked since the beginning of this year. Go me.

Appointment earlier went well. Cool guy with a lot of information. I felt safe for once. Felt comfortable putting my guard down for once.
Gave me a new medication and told me that it’ll help it in 3months.
That and light treatment is what ima try.

Feels good to hear from my people who have dealt with or know someone with psoriasis.

As corny as this sounds, it feels good to know I’m not the only going through this for once.