This old, fat, drunk punjabi guy tried to fight me last night.

Funniest. Shit. Ever.

I was doing Security at a Private Party at this bar for someones birthday. Everything was going smooth and cool until this short, fat shit was yelling. I brought him outside and told him he had to leave and he came back in. After stopping him from starting a fight, I pushed him off and he grabbed the napkin wrapped food utencils and pulled a butter knife on me and told me, “I’m going to fucking Kill YOU!”

I froze.

Not because I was scared, intimated, worried, or even bothered. 

I was shocked.

He pulled a butter knife on me. A fucking Butter Knife ahahahaha

I took a step back, reached into my pocket and pulled out my blade.

The look on his face was priceless. I was ready to fuck shit up and when he saw what a knife is suppose to look like, he dropped it and calmed down.

I kinda wanted to fight him though. I would’nt have used my knife on him. That’s a bitch to explain why I even used it in a report. It would’ve gone fists. I probably would have let him used the butter knife and just disarm him.

Well, that was work yesterday and I’m on my way to another glorious night of Security at Clubhouse.

Coahcella sold out!?

FUCK!

All I wanted to do was see

  • A$AP Rocky
  • Kendrick Lamar
  • Flying Lotus
  • Frank Ocean
  • Bon Iver (Who I just recently got into listening)
  • Childish Gambino
  • Dre and Snoop do “Ain’t nuttin but a G thang”
  • The MOTHER FUCKIN WEEKND.

But no,

America’s fagget, rave hype, hipsters ordered all the tickets before I could get money from my birthday to buy mine.

I just missed one of the most awesome Hip Hop experiences ever because some douche wants to see a DJ play a set of music on turtables that he could get the same performance from by plugging in his iPod.

Fuck you.

So I actually got to experience doing Club Security first hand.

I can’t even get into detail on the shit I did and saw, but it went something like this:

Drove to the 1st club. Walk in and there’s ass and titties everywhere. Dark ass room with old and young guys. It looks like any scene from any action movie where they’re making a drug deal and naked women are present. Talk to the bouncer there about his job, what to do when shit goes down. Worst experience. After that, my friend who helping me get this job gets a call from his boss to come quick to another club. We rush there, get out the car and there’s a fight going on outside and the boss is just standing there. 

“I don’t give a shit what they do out here, as long as it’s not inside.”

So we watched. About 30 secs in a guy turns around and tries to grab me. My friend and his boss look at me and say “…well, you’re not working yet…so I didn’t see anything” I wanted to hit him so bad, fuck, I probably should have, but he was so shit faced he just ended up falling on me. So, I backed off and he landed face first into the ground. It was pretty funny and we all laughed.

After everything cooled and those guys left, we went back inside and I got a tour. The girls were dancing, pretty much naked and they were all close to my age. Shit, some looked fresh into college. My friend and his boss left outside and told me to take crowd control while they talk about me outside. As soon as they leave, I head towards the V.I.P room because it’s the easiest job to do, just make sure no one goes past these curtains when they’re closed. Well, this really cute viet girl came up to me, pressed her body against me, and said

“So, I hear you’re the new guy”

“Yeah, I am”

I look towards the bar at the owner and he comes by and introduces me to her. Her name is Torri and that since he’s good friends with my friends Boss and my friend, I get a free lapdance as a, how did he say, “Welcoming gift”.

It was fucking amazing. Nothing like getting grinded on from a girl that knows what she’s doing. The whole time she was just telling me some nasty shit. She was pretty much butt naked and super into it. For a free lapdance, I don’t think it will ever, ever, EVER get as good as that. Fuck, she set the standards high. It was to one song, and it so happened to be Wiz Khalifa’s “I’m on my level”. Fuck, I felt like I was.

After that, my friend and his boss come in and start laughing at me because it’s obviously my first time in this kind of place, getting a reasonable lapdance. Right before she left though, she squished her tits in my face and told me

“These are the perks of working here, don’t forget me, love”

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAA!

I felt like I could have died right there and life would’ve been complete. I don’t give a fuck what anybody girls says about her, that shit was amazing. You guys are probably jealous because no matter how fine you are or how much cakes you got, if you don’t know how to use them, they’re ass useless as not having them.

Anyway, we head back to the first club we went to because my friends boss wants me to start there. It’s pretty fucking sketchy and they’re a lot of Viet gangs that roll through and if you don’t know shit about the Viet, they don’t play. Not at all.

Well, because my friend and his boss are so fucking cool with everyone and the owners, I got to sit down with one of the Viet gangs table with them and the owner and talk about random shit. 

I shit you not, these guys were O.G Vietnamese and we spent a while talking about Call of Duty vs. Battlefield, it was fucking priceless. After that, we got free drinks and chilled outside until everyone left.

Fuck.

Everything you’ve ever seen in a movie, music video, or heard about Clubs. Shit gets real when you actually go to one. 

I’m not gonna lie, I feel like I went through 20 years of Cop experience in about 10mins. 

Now I got to work on getting my Gun, Pepper Spray, Baton, and Tazer permits.

Damn, Drakes album put me in a depressed mood lol

Now I’m just feelin like I’m never going to find love.

Damn Drizzy,

way to make me feel like I’m going to die alone the day before COD MW3 comes out,

Now I know for damn sure that I’m not going to get a girlfriend this year. 

Am I the only one who doesn’t find import models attractive?

Everytime I’ve seen an import model, I always think about how many guys they’ve fucked to get to where they are.

That and how many guys have touched their asses, ew.

I spill my heart out and the best thing you can say is “That’s sweet”.

I’m tired of this shit.

So much has gone on in the past 3 weeks.

  • My aunt dies.
  • I almost die from an allergic reaction to anti-biotics
  • My diet is fucked because of the medicine I’m newly on.
  • I drop out of school for the semester to pay off funeral bills.
  • I’m at my lowest.
  • I’m broke.
  • I need new clothes.
  • I sit here and rot as all my friends go to Universities and do shit that they love.

and you can’t even reply to a fucking text.

Damn, I never thought I’d be like this.

I need to get away, far away and accept.

Accept a lot of harsh realities I reject everyday.