Kings Cup last night with the family. I love this.

Just another Polynesian family gathering.

Found my sisters boyfriend while getting seafood for Mother’s Day.

When I was a kid, I would surround myself with older role models to gain wisdom and just because I have so much respect for them.

The horrible thing about that is they’re getting old and dying off and honestly I can’t take it.

I can’t lose another loved one again.

I remember watching a lot of movies and tv shows where the guy is dating a girl that hates his mother.
Idk how you can hate my Mom. She’s like the most lovable and nicest lady ever.Those of you that have met mother can vouch for me.
You’d have to be pretty fucked up to not like my Mom.
She’s also from the slums of Hunters Point, San Francisco. So she’s down to throw down lol

Gawd, being a total Momma’s boy right now hahahah

What to read something?

I’m at this point in my life where I’m just simply exhausted looking for love. I’ve always been told to be patient and that it will come to me, but at the same time I’ve learned that if I don’t go after it, it’ll never happen.

So I did and I’ve came up short more times than I want to admit. Idk. As each day goes by I slowly accept that I’ll be alone. I mean, I’m surrounded by the best family and friends life has to offer, but I’ll never find love again and I’m slowly okay with that.

I don’t know if that’s my saddest or proudest epiphany yet.

My Psoriasis doesn’t help at all either. I used to compare myself with the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. The parallels of looking like a monster, the bitter and angry attitude towards everyone, and that I’m in a way waiting to be saved. A little corny comparing myself to a Disney movie, but isn’t that stories were made for? To reflect morals and fantasize of worlds and experiences your physical presence can’t reach?

I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about right now. I always seem to go on a random tangent when I speak passionately about anything. I guess that’s just verbal vomit.

I guess that’s just ranting. 

One of the first times I fought alongside family.

Reminds me of this one time my cousin and I were on the east side of San Jose near Overfelt High School and we were watching this Mexican guy and black guy talk shit and were about to fight.
After shit talking for like 10mins,
My cousin gets tired of waiting and starts fighting the black guy.
The Mexican guy looks at me and fists are flying. I’ll never forget that. My cousin and I were in middle school and these guys were sophomores. Keep in mind we’re Samoan, so we pretty much matched up.
My cousin layed that nigga out and the Mexican dude ended up taking off after a couple blows to the dome. Oh, I was in the middle of my first year boxing and 2nd year playing rugby.
Right when we were about to leave, my cousin takes the dudes wallet and I took his vans that just so happen to fit hahaha
Talk about hood and ratchet hahaha
Good times.

I hate talking to my family about anything.

It’s not that they don’t care or anything, I just feel literally ignored.

I’m standing literally a foot and a half from these people and as soon as I ask a question, I get no reply. Like this shit happens all the time.

When I was a young I used to feel super embarrassed and sad about being ignored all the time. I don’t even want to elaborate on how shitty it made me feel, but it’s pretty much why I never talk to them about anything.

It’s probably why I’m such an asshole and yell at everyone everything I’m thinking.

I just had a daydream

That my Dad was meeting my son for the first time. Like, he pulled up in the same truck he has now, bumping “More Bounce to the Ounce” by Zapp and Roger into my driveway as my son holds onto my leg scared.

My Dad steps out and my son looks at me and asks who’s that. Then my Dad puts his shades up onto his forehead, I look down on him and tell him, “That’s your Grandpa”

Lol Cheesy shit, but it was awesome to me.

Usually, I’d just tweet about this,

But my sister personally asked me not to say anything. So I’ll vent here. I mean, that’s why I made this blog. Anyway, we found out thy she had lupus after she came home in 5th grade from Science camp. Both of our lives haven’t been the same since. She’s always been my parents number 1 priority, leaving me in the dark. At first it was pretty sad and depressing, but over the years I’ve gain this massive independence and attitude of being alone. Of course, I’ll always be there for my sister, but it’s hard to help her when she gets whatever she wants all the time. I used to hate her so much, but I honestly couldn’t, I mean I still can’t. She’s my little sister. My only sister. It’s my job to take care of her. So it created this difficult situation for me. She smokes and drinks alcohol with her condition. Part of me wants to just walk away and do nothing because she’s putting this upon her self, but my moral compass wouldn’t ever allow it. To be honest, I believe her illness is the exact reason why she is the way she is. She feels no one can relate, so she hates everyone because of it. I know this. I’m her older brother. I do the exact same thing.